Gah

Okay so one a week is a completely unreasonable deadline for me. I give up. It has been a month, I suck.

So Romantic

I have just finished reading the Twilight series once again. I mention this only because they are the only novels I own that can be lumped into the category of "romance." I have juvi fiction, I have fantasy, I have sci-fi, I have mysteries, I have classics, but only those few romance.

Or at least that is how my husband classifies them. It is amazing how much of a difference just that one little word means to him. To him a romance novel is the spiritual equivalent of girl porn. He feels threatened by the fact that I find them so interesting. He seems to be convinced that they are filled with all kinds of gushy romantic stuff, and that it will somehow make me want him to be all gushy and romantic. That I will fantasize about fictional characters now, when I never have before. That i will hold him up to the measure of these characters and find him wanting or something ridiculous like that. Yet, he refuses to read them himself, because what kind of vampire story doesn't have all kinds of blood and stuff.

I love Pride and Prejudice but would never want to be in that kind of a relationship, I am hardly Elizabeth Bennet, and I do not want a Mr. Darcy. I love to read about characters, different people, but I hardly identify with them, nor do I covet their life. I just find them interesting that is all. I have read numerous fantasy and sci-fi novels with more sex, that are far more titillating then any romance I have ever read. (Maybe that is because I avoid the bodice-ripper, dime store variety)

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I think I have offically given up on the idea of one a week. I just can't do it.

Ahem, on with the show.

I love Halloween, it is my favorite holiday. And not just because I am a geek who can't quite give up on the idea of playing dress-up. And not just because I am a religious person, and I resent religious holidays being sanitized for the general public. I resent occasions that are meant to be about family and God being turned into excuses to stimulate the economy. Halloween is as pagan and pop-culture as you get, has been for as long as it has been celebrated.

I love Halloween because it is about community, kids wander the streets, going to neighbor's houses and asking for candy, and they get it. In some neighborhoods that is all they ever see of each other. Everyone is welcomed at the door with a smile and a small token of freindship. There is a feeling of freedom and peace that I don't find at any other time. The rest of the year I wear the masks of "mom", and "grow-up". this one night, I allow the world a glimpse deeper, into my soul, into the part of me that still believes in something macical out there.

I <3 Webcomikz

Most of the time I try to pretend to be grown up and responsible and all that stuff I am supposed to be by now. But I have an admission to make. I love comics. That is nearly the only section I read in the newspaper, I have a morning ritual when I check my e-mail I also read webcomics.

I don't know what it is but I love webcomics. As I am sure you can tell by the extensive list off to the left. I was first introduced to them around 2000 by my former brother-in-law Robbie. He, of course, knew that my husband and I were old school geeks, and he frequented a comic book store, and one thing led to another. He introduced me to Dork Tower. Old school pen and paper roleplaying and computer gaming. Wonderful stuff. (but I think that John has been doing too many other projects for the past couple years so they quality has backslid a bit.) I followed the links from Dorktower.com to see what he liked, and so on and so forth. A couple of my favorites were recommended by friends. But most of them were listed by other webcomic artists.

Now, not everything on that list is an actual webcomic, a lot of them I discovered in my newspaper, and are syndicated. But I am pleased as can be to find them online as well.

I have, of course, investigate others Webcomics, There are a TON of them available. But I only put links to the comics where I had read the entire archive. I figured that if I didn't care enough about it to read it all it wasn't worth listing. I have literally wasted days just sitting in front of my computer reading as much as 10 years worth of comics.

Every artist has a different ideas when it comes to what to publish in books, and what to publish online. Some keep the two completely separate. Having the philosophy that you won't buy the cow if you get the milk for free. Some publish the online comics but put extras in the books to encourage you to buy them. Some brave souls put everything that is available in print online as well. I only own trade paperbacks from three sites, Dork Tower, Girl Genius and Order of the Stick. Sadly I do not have all the volumes, and I really want to get PS238 also, but the budget is a little tight at the moment. However, that is not really on topic. Order of the Stick prints everything from online, but has also printed a couple volumes of backstory. Girl Genius is an interesting story. they used to publish only in the traditional comic books, but made the jump to online, and made everything available on their website. Now that they are giving it out for free, they are making so much more money. Because so many more people are finding out about them and how great their story is. I own four out of the seven volumes and am hinting at Santa to bring me the rest this Christmas.

Politics & Religion

I have been sitting on this for a few days. It is a very sensitive issue, and I wanted to put a lot of thought into it. It concerns three of the most personal issues I can think of offhand. Politics, religion, and sex.

A couple weeks ago I heard that my church was looking for volunteers to call people in California about the Homosexual marriage amendment. Now, my Church is normally very good about staying out of politics, they say that we need to exercise our civic responsibility to vote, and that we need to choose who will best represent what we think is important. No names, no parties, and that is the way I like it. So I was rather disturbed when I heard this, the rationalization was that they take a stand on moral issues not political ones, but it still felt off somehow. thankfully on Sunday they withdrew that request.

But that got me thinking... the separation between religion and science is easy for me to understand. Science asks how and religion asks why, they are two different questions so of course they have two different answers. But the separation between church and state is a little more fuzzy. I guess for me church is private, and needs to be taken care of in your household and in your heart. Whereas politics needs to be public, and take care of all those public things.

So really, morals should only be used to tell if the politician is honest (good luck there) and will legitimately represent the majority he/she is supposed to represent. A politician's personal views really don't matter too much to me, what matters is their personal integrity. (Also a rousing good luck there.)

Also central to today's rant is the idea of Homosexual marriage. My father-in-law is homosexual, I love him, and happily spend time with him. I do not approve of his lifestyle and he knows that. He is still a wonderful person. I just do not approve of his choice. This word I have used "choice" is going to cause some trauma. I have no idea where the feelings come from, they may have some natural cause, they may be learned, who knows. I know that they are there, but I also know that everyone can decide what to do with the feeling they have. If I had been taught differently I am pretty sure I could have chosen to be bisexual. I have never been massively attracted to a woman, but then I am not terribly attracted to many men either. for me it would have been very easy to go one way or another, or both. People can become attracted to all kinds of things, small children, farm animals, farm equipment, the list is endless. Thoughts never have to translate themselves into actions, unless we let them.

that being said, I do think that people in steady relationships, who have built a life together on whatever grounds need some kind of legal protection. Unraveling that type of situation is messy no matter who is involved. I just do not think that we need to give it the name of marriage. Legal protection, sure why not, for me that is firmly in the politics area. Trying to call it marriage, seems I am being forced into a position where I have to approve. and I do not. And that takes it back over to the religion side.

I do not want my morals to become legislated. I do not want approval forced from me. Politics is for things like taxes and police and major things that any society needs to function. What happens in my house, and my neighbors house (As long as no one is getting victimized) needs to be left out.

Bodily Fluids

I am sitting here breastfeeding my infant son and I am struck by a strange thought.

We are taught from a very early age that ANYTHING that comes out of or off of the human body is completely disgusting. From loose hairs to toenails, from crusty gunk in your eyes to toe jam, blood, sweat and tears. Gross, right? Well, not only is this precious child sucking fluid from my body, I think it is a wonderful and amazing thing. I am feeling sad because I am going to have to wean him soon.

It is some kind of intellectual disconnect. I am having a hard time reconciling the two concepts.

When we are young we have to be taught basic hygiene, in order to preserve our health. Sometimes it is hard to teach the right message. The proof of that is in how funny most of society thinks fart and toilet jokes are. Since we are most likely to try and laugh at what we fear. In order to learn to take hygiene seriously we learn to fear it. I only pray I can teach my children the right message. I know that I am having a horrible time with my oldest, but that is probably just because she is far, far too much like me.

The nature of Man versus the nature of Children

It is amazing, I have learned more about the nature of the universe and Man's relationship with God in the past decade then I learned the previous two. How is this possible, you may well ask... I had kids.
After that, it all became easy. I look at my children, I see how the act towards each other, and how they act towards me. It all becomes so clear.
I plan, and I struggle to make sure that everything I give them is balanced. That everything my children have is fair and even. I wonder why I bother since it never seems to fail that they find SOMETHING to get upset over. There is a millimeter more milk in one glass. There are different colors, and, the world id ending, I chose the wrong one. One child accidentally bumps into a block sculpture and knocks it down, then I have to quickly intervene to stop a war from erupting. Then the rest of the day I have to watch closely, to make sure that the grudge they are holding close to their hearts does not cause the war to erupt again. Or even worse they hold a grudge against me for some odd thing, and take it out on each other.
this much is obvious, even easy to see. Adults often act like babies. Just look at politics and marriage. But there is a less obvious parallel. In this house, I am God. Sounds vain I know, but it is not my point of view. I am not all powerful, but as far as my children can see, I am. I do everything for them, yet the seem disappointed if here is something I cannot do. I am not all knowing, far from it, but as far as my children know, I am. I answer all of their questions, and they act so confused when the answer is "I don't know." Because I have unwillingly become a household God, I have a small glimpse of what the Universe is like for our Eternal Father.
Squabbling children fighting over shiny toys. Pushing and shoving until it escalates to a fish fight. Whining and demanding ice cream before they have finished their dinner, then screaming about how things are so unfair if the answer is no. crying because you won't let them have a cookie when you were never asked in the first place. The bizarre jumps of logic that leave me blinking in confusion.
I am so glad that God has infinite patience, I know that I sure don't.

I guess it is one of those Gang Aglay days

You know the saying "the best laid plans of mice and men..."

I was going to be so good and update this one a week. Really. And here I am on the third post, late. However, I cannot claim full credit for this. I was intending to get started every day last week, and it never came to pass. Then, on Saturday when I finally got myself in line, for some reason I could not log in. And I got to spend the past couple of days figuring out what the problem was. Huzzah.

I will have a post soon, I promise.

I am a Moderate, I hate all politicans impartialy

I am not sure about the rest of the United States-- But I know that I am awfully tired of hating the entire political process. At times like this I like to quote some bits from Douglas Adams' Hitchhikers Guide series.

To summarize: it is a well known fact, that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.

~The Restaurant at the end of the Universe

"On its world, the people are people. The leaders are lizards. The people hate the lizards and the lizards rule the people."
"Odd," said Arthur, "I thought you said it was a democracy."
"I did," said Ford. "It is."
"So," said Arthur, hoping he wasn't sounding ridiculously obtuse, "why don't people get rid of the lizards?"
"It honestly doesn't occur to them," said Ford. "They've all got the vote, so they all pretty much assume that the government they've voted in more or less approximates to the government they want."
"You mean they actually vote for the lizards?"
"Oh yes," said Ford with a shrug, "of course."
"But," said Arthur, going for the big one again, "why?"
"Because if they didn't vote for a lizard," said Ford, "the wrong lizard might get in. Got any gin?"

~So Long, and Thanks for all the Fish

It is my obligation as a citizen to vote. I need to take part in the political process. However, anyone with the least degree of humility and compassion, the qualities a good leader needs, has no chance of appeasing the power mongers and thus getting a chance to be a candidate. I could stomach the idea of voting for some of the earlier candidates, but the final two turn my stomach. All of the Third-party options are just too extreme for my tastes.

That leaves me stuck, with no good option. I cannot decide who is the lesser of the evils, and I really don't care too much because a lesser evil is still evil. And I want to put my voice behind good, not evil. If I write in an honorable person, unless they are a declared candidate it won't count. Not to mention, my state, ALWAYS votes a certain way, so even if I finally do decide which way I want to go, there is a certain element of futility to it.

So what to do? I will continue to try and research, to try and find some truth behind all the posing. Maybe just maybe I will find what I need. But I doubt it.

What I really want, is an Enlightened Despot. I know that the very idea seems bizarre in this day and age. But, if there were an absolute leader, who truly cared about his/her country and all of the people in it. Who made choices based on what would be best for everyone, long term. Who could run the government without all of the hidden deals, short term solutions, and petty power plays... That would be perfect. In that fantasy dream world everyone is kind and loving and generous and cares about their neighbors and the world around them. I know Human Nature too well, it would never happen.

Democracy is the best of the bad systems at the moment.

Fan is short for Fanatic

I have ADD so I have the attention span of a squirrel and the memory of a sieve.
In regards to most things, except books. I can, and will read for eight hours straight. When Deathly Hallows was released I bought the book at midnight and had it read by seven the next morning. Then was quite annoyed that no one else I knew was quite that insane, and I couldn't talk about it with anyone. I hunger and thirst to know everything that is in the books that I love, and so I will read them again and again. Of course, that may have something to do with the fact that I read alarmingly fast and tend to miss minor details if I am not careful.
I have tendencies to OCD, like most everyone else. I loved the article I read about how when we are infatuated our brain acts the same way as it does with any other kind of obsessive behavior. Thankfully I only go crazy over works, and distance them from the artist who created them. I can love a song/book/movie without caring a whit about the musician/author/actor/director who created it.
At the moment I am re-reading Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. Motivated by the release of Breaking Dawn and the Internet leak of the draft to Midnight Sun. I have looked at her website, to get a copy of said leaked draft, and because there is a lot of other fun stuff on her website. The only fan mail I have ever written was in high-school and only for an assignment in my English class. Yet I find myself with a strange urge to write her. Just because she sounds like such a nice and interesting person. But I am sure that there are a lot of people like me out there, and she hardly has time to get to know them all, and I am interested in friends, not some nebulous contact with celebrity. An autograph is just ink.
However, that is not the point of this post. The point is my OCD about Twilight and Midnight Sun.
(For those of you who do not know, Twilight is a novel written in First-Person Perspective. Midnight Sun is a companion volume, with all of the same events just from another First-Person Perspective.)
I can imagine that a project like this would be so frustrating and gratifying at the same time. Frustrating because in the past few years she has grown as an author and to go back and revisit an old work would be maddening, seeing all of the places where you could improve things. Passages where you didn't say exactly what you wanted to say, and you are forced to write within that framework of dialogue. Aggravating because of the knowledge that there will be OCD people, like me, Who will read both volumes simultaneously trying to gain a deeper understanding of the characters and-- looking for inconsistencies. (I found two words that were off and several typos, but this was just a draft) Gratifying because while you cannot change what was said, you cannot change one characters perceptions of events, you can clarify your intent through the medium of another character's thoughts. Improve your perception of the original volume without publishing a new edition.
I know that I tend to get obsessive over details in books. I really do. In one of my favorite mystery series, the author refers to one character as someone's sister in one book and several volumes later, she is referred to as marrying into the family. It is a tiny detail and yet it bothers me. David Eddings is the worst, though, so many things changed between The Belgariad and its companion volumes Belgerath the Sorcerer and Polgara the Sorceress. Whole timlines changed, it drives me crazy. Yet I like the series so much I continue to read them again and again.
I had assumed that Stephenie Meyer would hand out selected passages of Midnight Sun to trusted fans, just to check the details, because no one can check for details better than crazed fans. I had also figured that she would do it in smaller segments, in case those fans proved less than trustworthy. But then, I also understand the fanboi mentality. If an obsessed fan finds out that they are trusted by the object of their obsession, it tends to make them so proud that they want everyone to know, and in the process sometimes they are called upon to prove that fact, and info gets leaked. Or alternately that trusted fan shares the info with his/her trusted friends, and do on and so forth. Either one of those trusted friends proves less then trustworthy or it turns onto a scenario like the game Gossip and the message changes down the line and the need for secrecy is lost.
Thanks to my ADD, my current interest will wane in a week or so and I will find something else to be passionately interested in. Then in a few months my interest will turn back this way, it is always this way with me.

The beginning

Woo, beginning. There is always a beginning, as there must always be an end. Will this be a good beginning or, no? I do not know, and neither do you. We will just need to wait and see.

I, myself, have my doubts. But that is only because I know how reliable my track record is for these things. I set up a geocities website in the mid '90s when it was 'the thing' to do. I have updated it all of... maybe a half dozen times in the past decade. So, yeah, we will need to see how this goes.

I do not intend to have any particular theme to these posts. I will write about my family, my projects, my opinions, whatever. It may be a great thing, it may be an unmitigated disaster, I have some pretty strong opinions, and tend to express them at length. I also tend to ramble on a very great deal, I can write pages of text and not say very much at all, but I like to think that I write that nothing in a fairly decent way.

So, let the experiment begin...